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italiano3956
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Interests: 
writing, playing, singing, drawing, hanging out with good friends, having spiritual conversations, working with students, helping people understand and see God in their lives, quoting movie lines, dirtbikes, harleys, and making people feel good about who they are.
i find great fulfillment in ministering to youth and the non-believers, and i also love: my friends, my nieces (boogie and piggie), my family (even though most of them really don't
understand me and hold my past against me), and learning. i'm most passionate about having people know who Jesus really is though. not the Religious Jesus or the one that the church even necessarily try's to convince people of, but the actual Jesus of the bible. who he was, what he said, how he acted among believers and non-believers and how he's made us to be with him. to know him and have him known throu
Expertise: yeah... well, i'm pretty good at crackin jokes if that counts...
Occupation: Operations
Industry: Hospitality
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  italiano3956
MSN: allaboutgod_@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  Push_for_10@yahoo.com
Member Since:
7/16/2004
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| 2 starry-eyed kids in fields of wildflowers
dreamt in small-town space for innumerable hours
of love and of passion in true romance style
with untarnished hope that went on for miles
but a dark dismal cloud hung right over their heads
and struck them both down in their separate beds
the burden of pain and divorce had come near
and it came with great force and instilled in them fear
of all of the things that they held to so close
and the love that they wished for and dreamt of the most
they walked different roads though in the same little town
their paths only grew wider as the time marked their ground
through love after love her tender heart weakened
and with his every crushed dream reality began to sink in
that the love they so desperately longed to believe in
might only exist in those fields with those children
and
then
he
met
a
girl
she was still a bit of the girl he remembered
with her beauty and grace like the snow in December
gentle and light covering the hard ground beneath it
not ground that is dead, just a bit out of season
and he still mostly resembled the boy from her past
that she once ran and laughed with and played in the grass
and as two broke-winged angels sat in the light of the candles
they opened their hearts that had been abused and mishandled
hers by herself and by boys from the past
his by himself and from living too fast
they sat in the dim light and the water washed over
and a closeness came to them that was scented with clover
from those fields they remembered and still held to tightly
but were covered with memories of things sad and unsightly
they were holding onto hope as he held tight her hand
and they both took a step, not truly knowing the land
but hope is the antidote, and he'd said it before
and he'll always believe it no matter how many doors
or forests or state lines or hours he crosses
to get to her doorstep as sleep counts it's losses
and though the end of this still story is still being inked
and there are plenty of things to decide and to speak
he will never forget or pass the chance to thank God
for today and for yesterday on this beautiful sod
where they cherish their time and look forward to minutes
spent beside one another through life's many thickets
where sunrise and sunset are witness to laughter
and her scent on his skin is relished for hours
and as he put down his thoughts and his head for the night
the love that feels
just
like
home
and makes him
finally
feel
right
has him thanking God and feeling overly blessed because of the time when he could say,
"then
he
met
a
girl"
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| tell me there is something that hurts more
and i will welcome it with open arms
i will bring it close and seat it next to me
simply to forget this
simply to not feel this
tell me where to find it
and i shall sell all i own to get it
so that i can not feel this
so that i can not feel you
or smell you
or imagine you
or hear your voice in my ear
next to my neck
brushing me with your eyelashes
or caressing my skin
tell me i am simply still asleep
that there is a part of my brain i can turn off
and never have to access again
i want to run from it
but it's the thing i have loved the most
in this world of uncertainty
and lost promises
to know that you exist
brings hope and light
two of love's most essential qualities
but for now
i wish the breathing would stop
and the beating would cease
that this feeling would flee
and my soul could release
and fly
like it does when you are near
like it does when i can hear
your voice falling on my ears
and my hand wiping at your tears
but for now
while the sunshine reigns
and burns at my eyes
i will pull on my sweats
and partially die
even if maybe
it's just for now
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| look up on your ivory towers
from deep within my sea of black
and why is it that when you look into my eyes
that i find it so incredibly hard to look back
and grace is a gift that i so easily push away
and grace is that gift that you push back
and i
i am humbled by your love
and i
i am humbled, i am humbled by your love
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| you complicate me
but the moments
in between
with you are
just right
your tip-toed hugs
and the way you fit
right in my arms
makes we wish
for longer nights and
more words to describe
how good it feels
to be
complicated
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| tyler james is soothing my mind..
days like today just make me want to cuss. i don't really have a certain disposition on cussing but i can't even effing make a cuss word appear in type b/c i'm don't think it's proper or right or whatever....
damn it, i wish i knew where my heart went.
i am more numb each day and it's worse b/c i choose it. it didn't just happen, i choose it. i don't want to feel that pull anymore. i can't deal with it right now. i don't even know where i'll be in a year (and not in the philosophical "what's the meaning of life" shit) my life is literally in the hands of someone else right now and i have NO control over where it goes. it's not a choice i have anymore. so, i can't deal with all the jesus stuff i feel right now. sometimes i sit in church listening to what is going on and what people are doing for God and i just have to stop listening b/c my heart might explode right there in the service. i can't handle that heavy feeling i've had in the back of my throat for the past 6 months and so i just ignore it. it's growing colder and i don't even feel like i care.
this isn't a "please save me" blog either. i just need to be honest with someone even if it's just the internet. i just has to not be in my head only anymore. yet, as much as i need to talk and have plenty of people who are willing to listen, i stay quiet. like holding it on my own shoulders is somehow more valiant or manly. i don't even know what either of those mean. i just know that it's easier than trusting in people. i'm crappy enough with me own emotions and thoughts to be able to even think of how other people would deal with them. i don't even know what i need or want or could do... i just want to not be feeling like this crap anymore. Jesus would probably help, but i hate needing help especially when i'm the one that's put myself in the place i'm in. it's no one else's fault. i'm not being persecuted or hated b/c of something i've done that was good. i'm just paying for bad decisions and i feel like i should be. it was my fault that i made them. who else deserves to pay for them?
i hate thoughts
i am super sick of my own self-defeating attitude
i'm also sick of being alone...but i make it that way.
i don't know anyone that could even make it past the first round of walls with me
one girl tried
i pushed her away
she's married now
not to me
my mom tries but i just put her off too.
i don't want her to take care of me
i'm not a child
i should be able to take care of myself
i have to go drive now
i can't sit in this basement for another moment
i wish aimee or someone like that that just is was here....
so we didn't have to talk, but could just go smoke and sing a song on the radio and not do anything that involved any commitment or thought other than being right there right then
man, i'm emo
nobody reads this anyways....
maybe whiy i write here...
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